I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
