but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
from now on my penis is your penis
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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