Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
