I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
