Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
