Im at strip club and am horny
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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