i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I FOUND THE LEGS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
