and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
