I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ruined the universe
Randomize