my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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