Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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