i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
