Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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