Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize