East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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