i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
