im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
