Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
