I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize