There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
