hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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