Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
