we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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