He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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