You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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