I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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