How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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