she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize