we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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