Quick, to the slutcave!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
