i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
