Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
