yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
