Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
