return my video game
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
