I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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