the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
