Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
