Pappa wants mamma naked
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
