naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
