so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this boner is exhausting
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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