after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
