i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
