Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
