Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
