I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
