when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
