Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
