I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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