somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
