All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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