She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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