Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
