In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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