i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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