my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
