Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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