I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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