please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
