She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
