Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
