My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
