Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
