youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
