jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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