He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
