Kiss
Puke
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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