we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
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