You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A+ Viking dick
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
