even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
