yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
