The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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