walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
