please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
