he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just gargled with NyQuil
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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