So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
