I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize