somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
