Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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