How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
