Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
