Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They took my balls.
Just high enough for therapy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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