There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
