I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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