oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
