I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
