Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
