We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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