I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
