Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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