i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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