We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
