we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
