she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
