he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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