Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
